


Picspam: The Book of Enoch: The Fandom Wank report

by gigglingkat



Category: Supernatural, The Bible
Genre: Crack, Gen, Graphics, I am so sorry, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-03
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2017-10-22 03:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/233440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglingkat/pseuds/gigglingkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In trying to explain the Book of Enoch in relation to the history of the SPN angels, I was forced to realize just how wanky it all sounds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Picspam: The Book of Enoch: The Fandom Wank report

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Do graphics show up?~~  
>  Another crosspost testing graphics.
> 
> 2/6/17 Edit.
> 
> I found the original google doc of text for those who have issues with the image:

Text reads:

book of enoch fandom wank

posted by enoch

OK, so this tasty wank comes to us from the Angelic Hosts fandom. You'll remember them from previous appearances in Our Daddy Made Everything, and the epic BNF war between Michael and Lucifer that resulted in splinter fandoms.

Oddly enough, Michael and Lucifer aren't in this one all that much. I'm oddly disappointed.

So - it starts off with a conversation between Uriel (you'll remember him as the one that kept smiting people for looking funny) and Noah. As near as I can tell, Noah has not been in the Angelic Hosts fandom long and genuinely had no idea how batshit crazy Uriel is. At any rate, although the original conversation is f-locked, apparently Uriel told Noah to build a boat.

And not just any boat, but a boat big enough for Noah, his family and closest friends, and a bunch of animals.

You would think that this would have been Noah's first clue that something was NOT RIGHT with Uriel's head. But apparently Noah's a fan of Big Daddy and wanted to make a good impression. So he actually begins building the boat.

Now it's not clear but the background appears to be a mixture of the following:  
1\. The AH BNFs have learned from the whole Eden debacle that animals are fragile, yo and that Big Daddy gets pissed when they kill them off (remember - he made them). So apparently they have decided to move out all animals in the vacinity before starting their fun and games.  
2\. One of the splinter groups - the Grigori - had become a target of the AH by doing things like letting outside fandoms in. *gasp* IKR?! Some of them even admitted to having wives in the Humanity Group and were raising their kids in "mixed" homes.

So as near as anyone can tell, the plan was to "save Noah" - who had made himself a BNF fave by following ALL those rules they had posted. (And really, kudos to him. I got lost halfway down. I'm waiting for them to put out a Top 10 list.) Hence the secret, behind-the-scenes communiques from Uriel. Once the boat's done, the AH are planning on doing some of their bizarre shit to the OCEAN and flooding the planet.

Seriously. I can't make that shit up. The wank that follows is accordingly as epic.

Noah is a nice guy from all accounts and cannot keep his mouth shut. He promptly tells everyone about the boat and the animals. Reactions vary but most seem to be along the lines of "Party at Noah's!" and "WTFBBQBOAT?!" Some juicy macros are in the comments. His wife is not amused when the animals start showing up early.

Azazel catches wind of it fairly early. He is not amused and trolls the various coms and personal journals. He's got some real points, but the general asshattery makes everyone hate him. He accuses Uriel of playing favorites and claims that Uriel is upset that Azazel taught non-AHer's how to do things with metal. Uriel responds and responds and responds and claims that Azazel should be ashamed of having kids with humans and that Bid G Does Not Approve. Azazel points out - not unreasonably - that if Big Daddy had a problem with the Grigori AHers marrying and having kids with the humans then why hasn't he said anything about it IN YEARS?

He also accuses Uriel of being jealous that the Grigori actually have the er - EQUIPMENT - to get with the baby making and things go downhill rapidly when Raphael shows up in the comments to support Uriel.

Sometime during this, Uriel and Raphael get with Michael and Gabriel (who seems to have taken Lucifer's place as Michael's BFF) and the four of them go to see Big Daddy. The resulting "petition" is an incredibly whiny list that basically accuses the Grigori of having too much fun at the party and "look at the mess they've left".

Big Daddy decides to care - or can't be bothered, YMMV - and gives Michael the keys to the water levels.

Yep. Remember all that rain the last 6 weeks?

The good news - what there is of it - is that Noah's boat worked. Azazel and other Grigori tried to crash the party and were turned away. There was either no room or Noah just got into the spirit of the wank and wouldn't let them on board.

It's all over but Azazel is STILL ranting about how unfair it is. Lucifer's oddly quiet on thematter except for a couple of "That's what *I* said"s in the comments on Azazel's personal journal.

  
Whew. That's alot of coding. I swear, next time, I'm going to write a book. It'd be shorter.  
~Enoch

ETA: Gabriel sighting in the comments. He objects to my characterization of all parties. Denounces the AHers behavior. Denounces the Grigori's behavior. Calls Noah a shit stirrer. AND WE HAVE A FLOUNCE!!!


End file.
